Sticky Fingers

The Manassas version of the London Eye is located just at the point where urban sprawl hits, well, nothing at all. It appeared overnight, according to any reasonable estimate, for it certainly wasn’t there the day before. The sign in front describes it as a “Golf Range”, which it isn’t. It is also most assuredly not a theme park, as those tend to have a rhyme or reason for their silliness. Furthermore, the cartoonish assemblage is also not the local Goodwill Store, which, until recently, I assumed was the real carnival in town.

It has no parking, and is not serviced by metro, metrobus, metrorail, dash, or any other sort of bus, gondola or rickshaw. Hence, its existence is not validated by any apparent mode of transportation. What then, is its purpose?

Some theories:

A.) This is a sort of “Field of Dreams” for carnies. For the last several months, a local mechanic has been troubled by rather alarming “if you build it, they will come” type murmurings. In a moment of inane lucidity, the mechanic called every available Rent-a-away and this was the result. At night, he flips the light switch and a million million-watt bulbs flicker under the moonlight. Every bearded lady, ticket taker and caramel apple vendor resurface from the grave to actually ride all the rides, dammit! (Some of them have even been known to stick gum underneath the seats)
B.) The park is part of a demented effort to remove “undesirables” from the community. While difficult enough for normal folk to access, I’m more than confident that absolutely zero provisions for the disabled are in effect. I’ve also heard that ticket takers have been charged with the undesirable task of checking papers before ride authorization is permitted. Sorry Virginians, but the Tilt-o-hurl is only available to legal residents approved by the biometric device located at customer service, those over 46 in tall, the highly mobile and those without pigtails (long story). *Note: the customer service area is closed until further notice due to lack of available labor, however, restrictions remain in place.
C.) In reality, the park is the newest advance in drug trials for a new anti-motion sickness medicine. Cotton candy containing the drug is passed out for free upon entry. Interaction warnings/ counter-indications are printed on the inside of strategically-placed barf bags located throughout the park. Although feedback on the trial is still coming in, many subjects indicate that, once mesmerized by the flashing lights, they briefly forget the pending foreclosure of their home. Researchers are trying to find a way to market this interesting side-effect to a wider audience.
D.) Another set of researchers are monitoring violence among at-risk groups of youth. The researchers pose as game operators. When the youth populations studied begin to shoot the teddy bears offered as prizes instead of the pop-up bunny rabbits, they are ruled a risk to society-at-large. Incarceration follows in the House of Mirrors.
E.) The daughter of the mayor, after 4 years of singing along with all the songs on American Idol, AND standing in line in the rain for four hours for Clay Aiken’s autograph, feels like she’s ready to take the next step. Being the cherished buttercup that she is, Daddy has no other option but to buy her a stage at her very own country fair.
F.) All of the above
G.) Some other option (write in comments below)