Boredom is Dangerous

Composed in the food court over Indian on 1/28/08 at 2:28pm:

Tigger is not tiger
It is a difference of a "g"
With just a spelling accident
A tiger becomes a tigger

Is it coincidence?
Or did the keys just stick?
Was it intentional?
Like the lie in believe?

Perhaps Tigger was
The hyperactive son
Of suburban yuppies
Who by virtue of an extra "g"
Was made unique.

------------------

Space Pen!
Blasted off under the clear blue sky
For stratosphere and beyond
Just an instrument in the hand
Quick and fluid
Writing from every angle
On floating paper and paper cups
And other jealous utensils.

Space Pen!
Landed in the Indian Ocean
And felt like the Bubble Boy
Thrown in the corner
Under a discarded ball of figures
Trajectories and such
Just jetsam in the ocean
Now for sale near you.

"Bubbling" with Contempt

Cállate, Colbie Caillat! When my cousin received your album for Christmas, I almost barfed in my stocking. Your music is not even fit for the muzak in the lobby of a roach motel. Yes, we can all tell you’re happy. But you’re happy in the nausea-inducing manner that is best confined to the diary entries of junior-high girls. Like a diabetic, your sugary sweetness has me on the verge of insulin shock.

Let me shake my magic 8-ball on this one: My sources say your next album will be all about how Mr. Hearts and Roses is actually a complete jackass/ is not sensitive enough to your needs/ has “mommy” issues. But since you have the emotional intensity of a Gerbera daisy, your black nail polish and punky attitude will fool no one. Your album will be relegated to the bargain bin at the back of a Sam Goody.

I must confess part of the reason for my anger. I had a theory that it was impossible for me NOT to like a song that contained any configuration of the following: ladeeda, lalala, shalalala, dodeedodeedo, etc. I must also confess that I am unable to listen to “Bubbly” in its entirety, so I cannot confirm or deny the presence of these nonsensical sounds. But I know they’re there somewhere. They have to be. And that means my theory has gone the way of the Blue-Footed Booby. (No Brad, no Maxim featurette on this one)

What do you do when your prized hypothesis, once grounded in surety somewhere between Gravity and Newton’s First Law of Motion, is destroyed?

Happiness-for-happiness’ sake in music is not always a popular concept. In this sense, Caillat is somewhat of a rebel, a la John Denver (minus the plane crash). I, for example, am more of a fan of melancholy happiness, wistful happiness, relieved happiness, 70’s morning radio happiness, unhappiness that for some reason makes me happy, etc. I can even be a fan of the “Gettin’ boozy in the club” happiness that is Top 40.

But Caillat? This is just going too far. Putting a guitar in front of a sorority girl and having her pen tunes about how she’s afraid her hair is not blond enough would be more topical. Like her Myspace pal Tila Tequila, who supposedly questions her sexual orientation, Caillat’s orientation toward music should be questioned. Perhaps her skills would be better adapted toward a ceramics class or Watercolor 101 ($75 supply fee), with the added benefit of keeping her hands busy.

Stay cheesy, Colbie. Even better, stay far away from my radio.

Threepeat

When I was in junior high, I used to sit up in my room and make tapes of songs on the radio. My favorite was three for Thursday, when the radio station would play three songs by the same artist in a row. My mental habit of intuitively grouping music in threes comes from those days on the floor holding down the record button.

Groupings are not an automatic happening in that many, many songs I enjoyed last year never fell into a group, and that does not inhibit my enjoyment of them. Sometimes I enjoy the contrast between songs, other times the grouping is out of a simple sense of euphony. In the case of specific older songs, I recovered a new meaning.

Here are some sets that were important to me in 2007: (Note: Individual songs are in a precise order, however, the numbers are arbitrary, i.e., this is not a ranking)


1. Whitest Boy Alive-Dreams
Burning
Fireworks
Golden Cage

2. Lucinda Williams-West
Everything has Changed
Come On
Where is my Love?

3. Manu Chao-La Radiolina
Me Llaman Calle
A Cosa
Mundorevés

4. Feist-The Reminder
My Moon My Man
Past in Present
The Limit to your Love

5. The National-Boxer
Mistaken for Strangers
Green Gloves
Ada

6. Brandi Carlile-The Story & KCRW.com presents…
Turpentine
Josephine
Hallelujah

7. Tori Amos- Under the Pink, Scarlet’s Walk & Little Earthquakes
Cornflake Girl
A Sorta Fairytale
Silent All these Years

8. Joshua James-The Sun is Always Brighter…
Today
Soul and the Sea
Commodore

9. Ryan Adams-Follow the Lights EP
My Love for you is Real
Down in a Hole
Dear John

10. Macy’s- Muzak songs I sang to while folding clothes
Rachel Yamagata-Reason Why
Sarah McLachlan-Into the Fire
James Morrison- This Boy

11. Macy’s-Muzak songs I sang to while cleaning out the fitting room
Angela McCluskey- Somebody got Lucky
Paolo Nutini- Last Request
Dido- Life for Rent

12. Ryan Adams-Easy Tiger
Everybody Knows
Oh my God, Whatever, Etc
The Sun also Sets

13. David Vandervelde-The Moonstation House Band
Nothin’ No
Jacket
Murder in Michigan

14. Rodrigo y Gabriela-itunes live session
Tamacun
Orion
Stairway to Heaven

15. Ryan Adams- Rock N Roll
Note to Self: Don’t Die
Do Miss America
Drugs not Working

16. Yeah Yeah Yeahs-Show your Bones
Cheated Hearts
Way Out
Turn Into

17. Goldfrapp- Supernature
Ooh La La
Lovely 2 C U
Ride a White Horse

18. Hard-Fi-Once Upon a Time in the West
Suburban Knights
Tonight
I Close my Eyes

19. Jackson Browne-Jackson Browne & The Next Voice you Hear
Doctor my Eyes
Running on Empty
Tender is the Night

*I have been listening to these exact same three songs in this exact order since I was in the 6th grade.

20. John Butler Trio- Sunrise over Sea, Grand National
Betterman (Also in another grouping titled “Songs That Aren’t About Me (But I Wish They Were)”
Better Than
Daniella

21. Led Zeppelin-The Complete Led Zeppelin
Tangerine
Fool in the Rain
Hey Hey, What Can I Do?

* ‘Cause sometimes Zep can just about save your mortal soul

22. Loretta Lynn-Van Leer Rose
Van Leer Rose
Portland Oregon (Best musical description I’ve heard of how Portland feels)
Miss being Mrs.

23. Muse- Black Holes and Revelations & Absolution
Starlight
Supermassive Black Hole
Blackout

24. Mute Math-Mute Math
Noticed
Typical
Break the Same

25. Rilo Kiley-Under the Blacklight
Silver Lining
Close Call
Under the Blacklight

26. Sufjan Stevens-Seven Swans & A Sun Came!
That Was the Worst X-mas Ever!
The Dress Looks Nice on You
A Winner Needs a Wand

Timeline

Recently it has been brought to my attention that my mug is being appropriated for use on the BGSU Alumni Timeline:

http://www.bgsu.edu/offices/alumni/timeline/2000/page21888.html

At first, I couldn't figure out what the heck I was doing in this pic. After all, I practically lived in my BG jacket from '00-'04, making photos of this sort hard to date.

However, I now realize what I was up to, as (somewhat embarassed) I am to admit it.

Ladies and gentlemen, what you are witnessing is an ill-begotten attempt to form a snake line. Allow me to explain.

Back in the 70's, BG students liked to form a giant conga line through campus to celebrate Homecoming. Why? I have no clue. However, my cohort and I decided to try and revive the tradition for the 2003 Homecoming (that's right BG, this was '03, NOT '04) There was a good turnout, but then it started raining and everyone took off before we could get an accurate count to see if we had broken any snake-dance records. Not like we had the folks at Guinness on hand or anything.

So there is, ahem, the whole story.

Thoughts on The National-Boxer

This is for listening at 2 am and your mind traveling to the city at night. Preferably in a car with a skylight and tall skyscrapers where you can’t see the top and your mind racing. Between songs you stop at stoplights pinned to the side of the road and the lights surrounded by green yellow red halos. Wiping sleep from your eyes.

This is for holding your ipod to your chest and flying through the ceiling. Diamond slippers and sparkles on all sides when you know the world is not shiny or new or even friendly but you want it so badly to be so. Coldness and seeing your breath in the air and the silence of parking garages.

This is for dreaming a dream you can’t dream when you’re asleep. This is about control, isolation, self-fulfillment, mundane beauty, strength in leaps off buildings. Loss and fear of loss and chasing slowly down sidewalks that lead to parked cars and wanting and wanting to be wanted.

This is about the lint you find in the pocket of your dry cleaned suit and subtly flick aside at an intersection. Finding comfort in familiar things in an unfamiliar place that is altogether different and never the same. Afghans and nesting someplace warm and soft; with company if necessary.

This is about belonging to an office/couple/community. It’s about staying in touch and retaining a part of yourself that’s never revealed not because it’s so dangerous but because it’s all yours. Becoming: in better being yourself and better being others. A thousand meaningless dinner parties and the faces of Greek tragedy. Professionalism for professionalism’s sake.

This is about a threat: immediate, disarming, residual, passive, impending. Also, about a response: reluctant, questioning, worn, hopeful, genuine. What weight the past can hold in the middle of an inevitable and volatile present. Barely concealed anxiety and the angels that surround us and hold us up and look away when it gets too ugly. Or not.

This is about Christmas lights, the kind on Charlie Brown’s tree wrapped in Linus’ blanket. Resisting the urge to know everything, to see the future, to demand a resolution. Girls and boys growing older too quickly and wanting to wear a Superman outfit to work, using the cape to fly down the stairwell. Or drowning their pain in walks through the city at night, head down and hands shoved in pockets, seeking comfort in steel buildings and the concrete that patches together the ground…

This is for listening at 2 am…